It was that time of year where scrounging for change and waiting was what had to be done. It was a waiting game and in her eyes; patience was something she truly never mastered. It was her daily test but she knew if she waited it out long enough, all would settle into its right place. Her spirits were up and at least she laughed when the cosmic forces seemed to work against her, in fact, her laughter became a shield she wore with honor and gratitude…patience tended to lead her to amazing places and beautiful stories she could tell. Oh the tales she could tell. True stories in a book of chapters that made her the hero. Her memory was a place she often liked to visit….
When she was younger, she dreamt of how she wanted things to be. She didn’t need to be rich or famous; she just wanted to be happy, see the world, and connect with it. She was a fighter and was hell bent against anything that broke her stride. When she fell, she got back up, dusted herself off and let everyone know, “She was stronger than that.” Maybe it had to do with years of practice? Maybe it had to with not worrying if someone saw her fall? Or, maybe it had something to do with the invisible net that was there to catch her fall every time? She knew it could be far worse, she had faced the demon for years. Like the tree tattoo on her back symbolized; her life was ever changing, it sprouted new leaves of change, built a foundation to reflect back to while laying down roots to grow forth with.
If he chose sit in that tree with her, they would experience all the richness life had to offer. She liked the way that sounded and felt. Not because she was afraid to be alone but that tree truly symbolized that for her. After her degree, what she desired most was sitting on a porch, with his hand in hers, watching their life grow, and being content and comfortable in a sweet silence that they shared together. She didn’t need fancy things but if he was willing to sit for a while, take her for who she was, and not make that feeling fleeting; she could and would grow with him.
Aside from the air around her, her own life carried on its own wind of change. She wouldn’t apologize for her decisions…they led her here. She wouldn’t convince others to go along with what she thought; everyone was different and entitled to their own opinions. Honestly, that’s what she loved about the world and the beautiful people that walked upon it. She knew where she wanted to be and eventually she would get there. There was no stopping her now. You see, when she wanted something, she went after it. She broke all barriers without crossing anyone or stepping on anyone’s toes. She figured that had something to do with where she had been, her experiences and taking in stride that she was an adult now. She knew how to be diplomatic and use her voice. She knew how to work for the things she desired most. A truth and an action most spoke about but rarely ever followed through with.
She wasn’t blinded by temptation.
She often referred to a photograph she once took of an empty pathway..she wrote words to that picture that now were hard to decipher, the ink was now tattered, weathered, and worn. But, she was well aware of the message that was sent from before…she was in charge of the routes she would make.
Posted by gigihope at 8:48 PM 
Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
She believed walking forward was what always suited her best. She had seen hell and laughed in its face while politely asking, “Was that all you had for me?” She felt the dark. It had been waiting for her arrival for many years. All the dark wanted was for her to manually turn on the light. When she did, everything was illuminated with splendor and glory. Alas, all things came to her at once. What she wanted, what she asked for, and what she desired. She still wondered and pinched herself often to see if it was real. Was that light truly on? A question, with time, would find its own sustainability in a world of questionable uncertainty.
She fought so long with what seemed to be a never ending battle. She even laughed at a tarot reading she had once received. It told her, “You will go through many obstacles but be victorious in the end.” With fist up in the air, she fought with the words she had read then shrugged her shoulders, let her fist relax and said, ‘Fuck it, guess that’s what’s up?”
She went on with her days just like she had done for years, giving what she could, taking what was allowed, and growing with each step she made. Things weren’t different, just more clear. In her mind, the world was what she could and would make of it. If she chose to settle then that was her own choice. Fortunately for her, she chose to fight. She was strong like that. Some blamed her resilience and steadfast nature on her sign, her middle name, or the fact that her soul just kept going and never let her rest until all was well.
While others questioned, she knew this was who she was and the world looked after her. It paid attention when she wanted to speak or sit silently observing the actions of others. The world cared whether she was up or down.
She believed she had a hand in her own destiny. When the plot thickened, she wore boots to walk through the muck, cleared the field and saw alternate routes to get somewhere without asking for directions or reading a manual. It was what it was and it is what it is…she knew this and trudged on.
It was over and she was home.
Posted by gigihope at 10:09 PM Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
When she fell asleep, she went into her slumber and waited for the right time to wake up.
She knew waking too soon would change everything.
She stayed asleep until she knew it was safe to open her eyes.
All the while dreaming, hoping, wanting, needing to breathe the fresh air again.
The clock kept ticking and the alarm never went off.
She wasn’t supposed awake just quite yet.
She stayed asleep for years.
She pulled her eyes shut and hid from what she needed to face.
She stayed asleep for years.
She refused to return in dismay. While she slept she built strength and waited for the arrival.
Now the years had gone by and she was ready to awake.
She opened each eye carefully, as if to take everything in with gratitude and grace.
She was ready for battle. She was ready to breathe.
She was asleep for many years but now she was awake.
Posted by gigihope at 8:44 PM Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
I’m used to picking up pieces from a broken heart…
I’m used to telling them all to go to hell.
But with you I want to stand still and enjoy this place…
I want to take back what belonged to me in the beginning and make things right again.
I want to hold on tightly and believe the words I have been told…for so long I believed otherwise.
With you, I am here. With you, I found home.
The voice on the other line keeps me awake. The story he tells, the way he say he loves me, the way he wants to hold onto to forever…I have never had forever.
I will walk alone until I meet his hand.
Posted by gigihope at 8:11 PM Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
The city lights nor the train’s hourly howl were bothersome. Just as much as she appreciated the silence, she enjoyed the noise. The city never slept but it got very quiet at times and as she stood looking from a sky rise balcony into a full moon, she took in the city air. She felt an immense amount of freedom, sadness, pain, worry, and love. Many of the same feelings we all felt time and again. It is what characterizes us as being human. She listened to the sounds the city made and she closed her eyes and envisioned a quieter time. All the peaceful places came to her suddenly: the walk to an Italian cafe, the moment eyes stayed locked, a record playing the right song at the right time on the perfect day, a beautiful bike ride on a beach cruiser, or hearing the sound her heart made when the best words she ever heard had been said. These were her few precious pleasures and she did not feel guilty about visiting them. They always welcomed her and enjoyed her company and the time she took with each one.
She scratched her eyes to wipe the tired away…looked at her phone and wondered if a thought had been or was being passed about her? Her ears had been on fire for a few days and she didn’t know much on that subject? Just enough to motivate her to investigate. She was a curious creature but cautious, on fire and earthbound. She didn’t remember what exactly triggered the thoughts but when she had them she took the time to think about things. She wasn’t completely sure about herself and when it came right down to it; she didn’t trust her heart or other people aside her mother, sister and girlfriends, with it. She wanted to think that he has thought about her now and again by either remembering something that made him laugh, a story that made him pay attention, or a moment he knew he really cared about her. She really wanted that but then again, didn’t everyone else?
She stood quietly in her own silence but yet her thoughts made so much noise; she guesses that’s why she could never sit still or get aggravated by commotion… she could always find a place to sit and drift away. Time was all she had and now she had to learn patience. This is what time was teaching her: things would come as they should and she had to trust that by now; something would make sense. In the last week, she had seen her first “real” love, was asked for her hand in marriage, and revisited by a past that was exceptional. She wanted something different….
She found herself in the guest room curled up to a playlist she created. She was okay with how things were, she knew it was only temporary. She knew that things would soon be how they should. She trusted that.
Posted by gigihope at 11:53 PM Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
She woke up to his kisses. It had been days since she had seen him last. His warm breath on her cheek woke her peaceful slumber. It was a beautiful moment that ended in a sad goodbye. In the morning, things were strange and disconnected. He turned his back to her, a move she knew far too well but never done by him before. They told her she needed time to heal but she had healed and mourned a loss for years. All she wanted to do was embrace something real. One statement left him isolated and alone. One statement she regretted after it was said. She didn’t know what to do, say, or how to act. She picked up the bottle and began to drink. The elixir felt good against her throat. If she could, she would take it back. In fact, she would go a week back to when things got weird. She saw potential and he felt like giving up. Each had a past that brought them to their own demise, each had a past that lingered into the future.
She read the words he wrote and began to weep…was this really it? This wasn’t the love letter she had hoped for. He wrote what he felt and she felt alone. He didn’t understand her stance, she didn’t understand just giving up like that. Nothing had been established except a great appreciation. Nothing had been established except another failed attempt at something great. She was used to picking up pieces from a sad and tattered heart. He was used to loving, losing, hurting, bleeding.
She wanted to believe love reigned all but slowly that was being depleted. She wanted to hope that in the morning things would be alright and that somewhere in the night he would grab her and tell her everything will be okay. She still wanted to have faith in passion and finding the one. She was beginning to think that was made for everyone else.
Everyone wanted to tell her about time but she knew that very well. It’s all she had and all she lost. He was the one that understood that but looked at his watch and left. She reread the words he wrote and wiped the tears away; she would have to be patient, alone with her thoughts, and wait. A skill that she wasn’t best at. She wanted to run to the door before he left, grab him and say, “I’m sorry.” She wanted to savior all that was beautiful before the words were said. She saw the pain in his eyes and he felt the pain in his heart.
She will hold out her hand and wait for him to grab it again.
